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Around Town: The Bieb takes the stand

January 29, 2014|By Anita S. Brenner

My fantasy news flash:

Retired singer claims wrongful deportation to La Cañada Flintridge

LOS ANGELES — Retired singer and teen heartthrob Justin Bieber testified in court Tuesday that he is actually Canadian and not La Cañadan, when, as he claims in his challenge to the revocation of his O-1 visa, he entered the U.S. from our neighbor from the north.

An O-1 visa is issued by the U.S. to immigrants with extraordinary ability in the sciences, arts, education, business or athletics. Last December, Bieber said he was retiring.

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Last August, when Rolling Stone asked Bieber if he had plans to become an American citizen, Bieber responded, “You guys are evil. Canada's the best country in the world.” According to Bieber, this remark, not the unfortunate egg incident, precipitated what Bieber contends is blatant selective enforcement of the immigration laws.

As a result of the deportation order from which he appeals, Bieber is now a La Cañada resident.

Bieber testified in the first day of his trial living that under La Cañada Flintridge’s strict poultry ordinances (Around Town: Do alpacas toe the legal line?” Valley Sun, Jan. 23, 2103) deprives him of artistic freedom, much as a graffiti artist is deprived of the ability to pursue their muse by the California Penal Code and those charged with its enforcement.

Bieber was extensively cross-examined on the distinction between poultry and livestock. As a La Cañadan, he is presumed to know that La Cañada ordinance section 11.32.080 provides that not more than “two horses, donkeys, mules, cows, steers, other similar animals, sheep or goats which are not for the personal use of the occupant of the parcel may be kept, maintained or otherwise boarded on the parcel…” if for personal use.

But Bieber’s lawyer, one Horace J. Rumpole, Jr., told the court that the personal use requirement discriminates against individuals who live in collective settings, such as Sister Wives (tm), Engineering Fraternities and once-fashionable boy bands. In a communal setting, everything is shared, therefore nothing, not even the bagels, are for personal use, argued the lawyer.

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