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Thoughts from Dr. Joe: No answer, no solution to loss

March 14, 2013|By Joe Puglia

Almost two weeks have transpired since we lost a local teen to suicide. I wish I had written this sooner, but the words couldn’t come. I have struggled, hoping to write healing thoughts for his mother, family, La Cañada High, the senior class and the community, but nothing I can say can cure the sorrow we feel from losing him. I remember the young lives lost in Vietnam and I find that no truth, no sincerity, no strength, no kindness, can cure that sorrow. All we can do is see it through to the end and hope there is some divine redemption from the pain. No pain we suffer is wasted; it teaches us that life on earth is bittersweet.

Does time ever heal our sorrows? I don’t think it does. The hurt remains but the psyche protects us covering our pain with scars. In time, our sorrows lessen. But it’s never gone. Shakespeare wrote the tragedies to remind us that life is fleeting.

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I hugged the young man’s mom a few mornings after her loss and felt the pulse of her pain. “Sorry,” was all I could say. Words were all I had and I prayed that they would take away some of her agony. Taking another’s pain binds us together, bringing us in communion with one another. Comforting another is a sacrament but the best that we can do is be near them. A mother’s being is intertwined with her children so I understand T.S. Eliot when he says, “We die with the dying; they depart and we go with them.”

We’ll all lose someone and we’ll never get over their loss; but they live forever in our hearts. Only through faith can we believe that this mom will learn to dance again, even if it’s with a limp. God bless her; God bless all the mothers who endure.

I think of you who are LCHS seniors, students who were in his class. I worry about the impact his loss will have upon you. I was graduated from high school in 1965. The graduates that year were hit hard by the Vietnam War. I became fatalistic and lost hope in a future. There was little life when there was so much death around us.

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