My dear Ms. Kalb,
I've always been a bridesmaid, never a bride. My metaphor depicts my disappointment relative to you not selecting me as cheer squad mom for the LCHS freshman team. I've never been soccer, backstage, orchestra, or even a dance mom. When will it be my turn?
Although I've been in jail twice, my credentials are nevertheless impeccable. Kindly disregard the night I drank beer out of my boot at Lucy's Tiger Den in Bangkok. Nobody's perfect.
I was patient; I waited for your call. Instead, you accepted Kaitzer as squad mom. Maybe I'm not as organized as my wife is, but I can spell Mississippi backward. Am I relegated to schlepping kids from practice to home?
So what if I forgot to pick up the girls after practice a few times? Am I only a groupie for my daughters' pursuits? Is that my fate?
Warmest regards, Dr. Joe
Last Friday night the freshman cheer squad, or “Fishies,” composed of Allie, Simone, Laura, Carina, Sarah, Katherine, Lauren and Cameron, came over to our house for a team meeting with their newly appointed squad mom, Kaitzer.
Simone slapped a restriction order on me: I was ordered to stay away from the Fishies.
Do my kids think I'm embarrassing?
The girls were exuberant in their new identity. I had not seen such excitement since the Mets won the series in '69. Kaitzer eventually got their attention, and after a considerable length of time, the cheerleaders began to accomplish the tasks at hand.
If I were squad mom, I would have yelled, “Knock it off; you've got two minutes to get this done!”
I wouldn't be worried about the process, but about the pizza getting cold.