CIVILITY by Diana Olson:Wedding Etiquette: Part I

A wedding should be one of the happiest and romantic days in the lives of a bride, groom and their families. There is often anxiety and challenges because the planning process needs much organization with many deadlines. With a definite plan and understanding of the wedding process, hurt feelings can be spared. Below are some tips.

Engagements: The average time for an engagement is about five months. The news is broken to both families on the same day if possible, with the bride's family first. An engagement party is given by the bride's family. At the party, only very close friends and relatives might give gifts to the bride. The groom's family may give another engagement party for his family and friends.

Timing for Plans: An informal wedding needs two to three weeks for planning. A formal wedding needs four to six months of planning with up to a year for the reception and church reservations.

Wedding Expenses: There are many variable wedding expenses. Location (beach/park/picnic, home, restaurant or private club), ultra casual to lavishly formal, number of wedding guests and attendants, food served, destination wedding and many other factors determine the wide range of actual expenses. These days the parents of the bride and groom may share the expenses. Often couples who have been on their own may pay all of their expenses.

Invitations: Informal wedding invitations need to be mailed two to three weeks ahead. Formal weddings need four to six weeks' notice. The style of the stationery depends on the formality of the ceremony. An invitation always requires a response within one week. Married couples have (example) "Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Higgins" written on the outer envelope; on the inner envelope "Mr. and Mrs. Higgins" is written. An announcement, often used for those who are not invited to the wedding or for those who elope, does not require a response, nor is a gift an obligation.

Additional Guests: Only those names listed on the envelope are invited. If indicated, a single person may bring a date as ("Ms. Susan Tang and Guest"). Guests may ask to bring a guest, but bride is not obligated. On the outer envelope, it will indicate, "Mr. and Mrs. Tom Higgins and Family." Children will have their names will be listed on the inside envelope. Otherwise, do not ask if the children may attend. Many prefer that children do not attend.

Next week there will be more tips about wedding etiquette. © Diana Olson, 2007

For more information about etiquette e-mail diana@dianaolson.com or visit www.dianaolson.com